Return from the Holy Land

Shalom. Both hello and goodbye. I never understood how one word could mean such opposite things. But I think I get it a little better now. I don't know if I'm coming or going or where I'm heading to. I've left Israel, but my heart is still there. So were my rose-coloured glasses shattered? I don't know. So much has happened in the past two weeks that I don't know what to think anymore.

Israel is still an enigma to me. It's a country so rough around the edges (and in the middle too), as a Canadian, it can sometimes even come off as brash and uninviting. It's history is something so far from what I've ever experienced, I can only begin to try and understand what is on the surface. Yet despite all the problems there is a truth and honesty to Israel that I've never been able to find in Canada. Beneath the rough exterior are the heart and soul of a person yearning for the same things that we all are.

And I stand outside it all. Unable to truly understand what goes on within those walls. Set apart by my Canadian upbringing. Not Jewish. Not even an Arab.

Some places are so easy to fall in love with. They are warm, welcoming, vibrant. There are those places that open their arms to you, no matter who you are. But then they fall flat when you try to explore their depths. I don't think Israel is one of those places. So what is it? Could I fall in love with Israel? Would Israel accept me?

I sit here now in my large house with central heating. The tv blares with an endless circulation of infomercials and a droning voice tries to sell me products from all corners of the room. It feels like another lifetime since I've been in Israel. Or even as if it were all just a dream. All I have left are my photos to confirm it really did happen. I wonder if I will ever return, if I will ever be able to go back to the way things were.