Just trying to get some writing in...

Words fail me. I've been known to be a quiet one, but I've never been at a loss for words. They're what I have. I've never had dancing feet, or fingers for piano, or a voice so beautiful it could stop time every time you heard it. But I've always had my words. My pen and paper. And later on my keyboard.

But today, yesterday, the day before yesterday. Words fail me. It's as if the past 23 years of my life have been bubbling, and brewing, and mixing, and colliding, and generally biding time til now. Now when every second of my life has accumulated to this one moment. This one fork in the road. And I have so many mixed emotions that I'm rendered speechless.

Memories of the past, that I never recalled until now, evoke supressed rage and anger and bitterness of always "getting the short end of the stick". And I'm angry at the world. I sulk. Pessimism clouds my vision like a security blanket. I feel safe in a world I understand.

And yet... And yet, that veil is sometimes lifted. And I see life as I want to see it. As it once used to be for me. That spring is eternal, and if you can't feel it now, it's always just around the corner. Life is good. Life is better than good. It's beautiful. It's full of opportunities and promises to come. Life is love. Love is life.

I guess, in my eyes, the two paths are life or death. Maybe it seems so simple. That most people would choose life. But it is life in all it's glory. Untamed. Uncontrollable. And death... Well, death is security. It's an end to a never-ending story. It's the daily hum of a well-oiled routine. For how can we say we're really living when we try to shield ourselves from all that life sends our way?