Thursday, March 19, 2009

Top Stories of the Day

So, I was writing some emails about things that I had read in the news lately that made me laugh. In retrospect, the situations are not the most comical... But, sometimes all you have left is laughter. So without further ado, I present to you my amusement of the day:

1) We now have an emergency text message system at school. About a month ago, I received a text message on my cell phone from my university... "DO NOT REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE. THIS IS A TEST OF THE UW EMERGENCY SYSTEM." I thought, okay. I don't know what sort of emergency would occur that they would need to send a text message to my cell phone...

Flashforward to today. There was an article about U of T adopting a "phone warning system". U of T just came out with this system and required much more media attention to set it up. (Do I have a bit of a Waterloo, new school, less recognition complex? Maybe...) Anyway, the text messages are apparently in case of a campus lockdown. For example. If ever some psycho decided to go around shooting up university kids, we will all be messaged on our cell phones of the situation. Ummm... Thanks? I'm glad we are taking extra precautions for the safety of academia, but I feel a little excessive. We have text message alert systems for psycopaths who who wield guns while there are wars going on in other countries. (Wait, aren't they the same? Okay bad joke...) But... it's good to be Canadian, I guess? I mean, where else would we have the luxury to be so excessive?

2) Again about my lovely university. So Wallstreet has been looking for a scapegoat for America's recession. And they've found him. A graduate of the University of Waterloo who, apparently, supplied Wallstreet with the mathematical formula that ruined them all. Yes. America was singularly felled by a nerdy Waterloo alumnus from Canada. Yes. He was Canadian. 

3) We. And by we I mean Toronto. And by Toronto I mean a little mosque on the prairie! Oh no. That's not it, getting off track. So I will stick with we. WE now offer a "12-step extremist detox program." Yes. I think that says it all. I'm all for rehabilitation and reformation over punishment... But a detox program?! I've heard of alcohol detox. And drug detox. But a religious detoxification?! Oh, I'm sorry. Extremist detoxification. Well, I guess it is a step in the right direction. It promotes Allah's mercy, love, and peace for all. And anything that spreads love is good in my books :)

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